Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
