Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Pants are for mortals
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
