Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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