some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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