She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
