She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
