dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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