Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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