My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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