This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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