Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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