I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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