Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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