im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
