guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
