i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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