o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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