I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
do herpes really smell.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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