3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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