but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
