well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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