but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
