just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
