Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
