I think I won the penis lottery.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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