is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
