I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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