Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
