I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
