Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Two words: blizzard sex
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
