I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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