It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
