I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
