i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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