Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize