she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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