I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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