yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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