lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
