plz talk dirty to me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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