And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
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He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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