seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize