Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
