i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
