saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
