about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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