I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
