i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
