frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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