You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
