His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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