I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
