Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
