I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont even know how to be here
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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