jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I could make wine with my vomit
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize