even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
