So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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