Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
