you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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