We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
