Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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