Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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