im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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