if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
