Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
