I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
