We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think people are normalizing furries
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
