She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
