Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
