My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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