I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
