i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
