I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
