Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
